All That Went Before
by kittymills
Summary: ME3 Post Citadel Date one shot/drabble. There is still so much between them, so familiar, but so many changes.


_**All That Went Before**_

ME3. Set after the Citadel Date, in the captain's quarters. One Shot/drabble. Bioware owns all.

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><p>She kisses the side of his neck, behind his ear. He feels her warm breath on his cheek as she pulls back. Her thumbs trace the silver streaks at his temples. Before Ilos, before their separation, his hair was a pure inky black. The salt &amp; pepper at his temples is another reminder of how much time had passed. Her hands still and she looks away.<p>

"What's wrong?" he asks gently, threading his fingers through hers.

"It's been so long. Not for me, I know," she says hurriedly, her voice soft. "But for you." Her fingers trail over his cheek, feeling the stubble under her fingertips. Her eyes drop to the tiny scar on his lip, she is unwilling to meet his eyes. "Can we really put it all behind us? My body-" She falters. "It's not going to be how you… remember." She despises her sudden weakness, the insecurity that rears its head. She is loathe to bring up the still healing wounds of the past, but it is still there like a wall between them. Cerberus rebuilt her, but there are differences despite her claims otherwise. Her skin, her scars, her victories and failures etched into her skin, each with a thousand stories, her secret badges of honour he had once loved to trail kisses over in their moments of passion… are gone. In their place is the newly grown skin, free of scars and stories. Free of her history, of her life before. It is almost like a blank canvas, smooth, taunt. Empty. What paths will his lips travel now?

He takes her chin in his battle roughened hand and tilts her face to his. His dark eyes lock onto hers. "You're here, you're perfect. You're all that I want. Your body might be a little different, with the implants & cybernetics, but you're still the woman that I love. I know that now." His hand slips, skimming down her arm to land at the small of her back. His eyes close. He leans forward and his forehead rests against hers. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realise that."

Her heart leaps in barely restrained relief. She cups his beloved face in her hands and kisses him, very slowly, very deliberately. "I missed you, Kaidan." she breathes against his lips. Long buried emotions begin to rise up, clambering over each other to be noticed. She feels joy, liberation, hope. A fierce determination to _live_. Despite everything, he still loves her. Somehow, knowing this, accepting this, trusting this, she feels stronger than ever. Doubts and insecurity melt away. He is her rock, her heart.

He savours the feel of her kiss, of her soft lips moving against his. The taste of her breath and the scent of her skin, the fit of her body against his own, he revels in it all. At once, he is almost dizzy at the power of her familiarity. His heart screams in his chest in sweet agony, his tightly held control is faltering. He can never forget this. He remembers those long, dark days when he thought she had died. The pain, the emptiness, the sense of hopelessness, the futile attempt to move on. Nothing mattered. Nothing had mattered but her. Then came the fury when he heard the rumours. Alive, and not with him. Alive, and so far away. Alive… and with Cerberus. Then, the showdown at Horizon. The bitterness, the anger and the regret afterwards. The broken attempt of reconciliation with the email, always, leaving himself a way out. Acceptance at the lack of response, burying himself in his work, again but somehow finding it easier just knowing she once again drew breath. In the present, he grips her tighter, his kisses grow a little more demanding, as though trying to remind himself she is really there in his arms, despite everything. The woman he loves, back from the dead. He had doubted her before, but in his bones, in his core, he knows without a shadow of a doubt, she is real and she is his.

He proceeds to show her everything he can't say. With each kiss, each caress, each cry of ecstasy, he banishes those long lonely months without her. For now, she is here. Warm, vibrant, tender in his arms. Come what may, for now, she is here.


End file.
